Tuesday, February 8, 2011

... She died of what?

"Buttocks injections gone wrong" is the headline of this tragic story of a British woman who died Tuesday morning after having a makeshift injection procedure in a Philadelphia Hampton Inn.

Philly.com reports that Claudia Adusei, who along with her surviving friend received injections from two unknown (and likely unlicensed) young women, dialed 9-1-1 around 1:30 this morning. Adusei was soon after taken to Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital and pronounced dead. A toxicology report is pending, and investigators are still searching for the two women believed to be responsbile for Adusei's death.

This isn't the first time someone has popped-up in the news for such an outlandish reason (and surely won't be the last time), and more notably, this isn't the only oddball news story to arise from the City of Philadelphia lately.

I love living in the so-called "sixth borough of New York" as much as the next weave-loving, hipster-hugging, cheesesteak-chomping Philadelphian, but this is getting to be a bit much. The heart of the American Revolution is quickly solidifying its status as the capital of the crazies.

At least Vegas is business-savvy enough to cover up its crime and immorality with a catchy slogan. Instead, Philadelphians just get headlines about people dying from ass injections and "Guardian Angels" that think they can fight crime by walking around town wearing a red beret and giving a "thumbs up."

Benjamin Franklin's silicone-less ass cheeks would certainly frown at the sight of today's Filthadelphia.

Sex - the key ingredient to a healthy diet

Toss aside your heart-healthy Cheerios and hormone injections; the real secret to living a longer, healthier life lies not inside a cereal box or doctor's office, but right inside your pants.

Self-proclaimed anti-ageing expert Dr. Eric Braverman claims in his new book "Younger (Sexier) You" that the answer to maintaining a solid immune system and happy heart is staying sexually active - no matter what age you are. This is in addition to building stronger muscles and bones (due to increased levels of vitamin D and "load-bearing," as you biology experts might refer to it) and, of course, keeping that southward second brain content.

Braverman also puts special emphasis in his book on the ability of an active sex life and a coffee-intensive diet to boost hormone levels in both men and women painfully enduring the awkward stages of menopause (yes, men go through menopause too), as well as those just looking to more consistently "get in the mood." Perhaps this could be the answer to President Obama's mid-life crisis prayers?

And for those of you fearful of infections and the common cold during the chilling months of flu season - never fear, Braverman says a simple orgasm can clear away your germaphobic fears and anxieties.

With the most personally political and sex-heavy day of the year just around the corner, you may want to further look into some of these tips on keeping up a healthy libido. And if not, do what three million other Americans and Jake Gyllenhaal would advise: take a Viagra and call it a day.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The 'Wicked Witch of the Wilderness' strikes again

As if taking heat for a crosshairs chart of Democratic challengers wasn't enough, Sarah Palin decided to fan the flames today by calling for "strength and sound mind" in the White House regarding the handling of the Egyptian crisis.

"Who's going to fill the void? (President Hosni) Mubarak, he's gone, one way or the other you know, he is not going to be the leader of Egypt, that that's a given, so now the information needs to be gathered and understood as to who it will be that fills now the void in the government," said Palin in an interview with The Christian Broadcast Network.

Palin continued on to further discuss her "concerns" with the direction of the Egyptian government going forward.

"Is it going to be the Muslim Brotherhood? We should not stand for that, or with that or by that. Any radical Islamists, no that is not who we should be supporting and standing by," Palin said.

My guess is that she's really not aiming for the muslim vote in the upcoming election. Or at least not with her politics.

Palin also saw it fit to comment on the state of today's media, and the direction it should be headed in. You know, because she has a journalism degree that she acquired after attending five different colleges and has virtually no experience in the industry. Girl knows her stuff.

"...much of the mainstream media is already becoming irrelevant," she said, stressing her willingness to "help journalists out."

It's my impression that the "liberal 'gotcha' media" is just becoming too much for the queen of glittering generalities to handle. But she could at least use her journalism expertise to clarify for the CBC that she has in fact never run for President, and therefore cannot run "again," as stated in paragraph five of the network's interview with the politician-turned-celebutante.

Yes, Sarah, contrary to what those adoring fans with the "Sarah!" campaign signs say, you were not the presidential candidate in 2008's election and - God-willing - won't be in 2012 either.