Sunday, April 17, 2011

How Donald Trump became the next Sarah Palin

Donald Trump, popularly known as the host of NBC's top-rated Celebrity Apprentice, has quickly become one of the front-runners for the GOP presidential nomination and, consequently, the leading laughing stock of the remainder of the nation.

The comb-over king was happy to offer his oh-so-sympathetic thoughts on the current crisis in Libya, and what he would do in place of President Obama's actions.

"I'd do one thing. Either I'd go in and take the oil or I don't go in at all." Trump said. "In the old days, when you have a war and you win, that nation is yours."

Certainly, if 19th century imperialism is your thing, then Trump has offered quite the antediluvian solution to this modern day dilemma.

Trump also took time to further bash both the former and current presidents prior to a pool party at his Palm Beach estate.

"George Bush gave us Barack Obama. If it weren't for George Bush, we wouldn't have Barack Obama," he said. "So I'm not thrilled with George Bush."

Still, Trump appears (publicly) indecisive on whether he will run for the presidency.

"I wish I didn't have to do it. I would prefer not doing it. But I love this country."

It seems that, for whatever reason, Trump considers himself a messiah of sorts for the United States. And why he deems President Obama "the worst president ever," I don't quite understand.

Certainly, Obama's current approval rating of 48% topples President Bush's all-time-low rating of just 22%.

Donald Trump is full of something, but it's not knowledge. Fortunately, he has provided one more "cray cray" candidate to add to the glowing list of potential Republican candidates, and one more chance for Americans to "see the light."

If Sarah Palin is the "Wicked Witch of the Wilderness," then Donald Trump is "The Wizard of Fraud" himself - externally wise and successful, but a fraudulent, empty-headed coward hiding behind a curtain to gain popularity.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Miley Cyrus: The Queen of ... nothing

Tween sensation Miley Cyrus, who is reportedly training for street fighting for her non-Hannah Montana double agent role in her new movie "Undercover," recently took some time to comment on the internet phenomenon that is Rebecca Black.

"You shouldn't just be able to put a song on YouTube and go on tour," Cyrus said in an interview with The Kyle and Jackie O Show.

Black came to fame following the release of her music video "Friday," which has garnered more than 66 million views since its debut a month ago.

One must wonder if the starlet is envious of the 13-year-old pseudo-singer's insta-success, given her recent turmoils as of late. Cyrus' last album, Can't Be Tamed, has sold a meager 302,000 copies since its debut last summer. Her most recent venture, the 2010 film adaptation of Nicholas Sparks' novel "The Last Song," was largely panned by critics.

But Cyrus' comments didn't stop there. The flop-friendly singer also took the opportunity to voice her unwanted thoughts on social networking.

"I do not tweet, I do not social network, I try to stay out of it," she said. "I complain enough about people knowing too much about my private life, so to go out there and exploit myself would be silly and hypocritical."

You know what's also hypocritical? Publicly criticizing a talentless tween star for rising to fame simply because she's - you guessed it - a talentless tween star.

And in regards to Cyrus' social networking dig, many have decided to use Twitter and Facebook for the same counter-intuitive reason that she mentioned: to maintain their privacy.

Social networks may appear invasive on the surface, but at their core they allow for a level of control and clarity over information that has never before existed. Perhaps if you had Twitter to explain your eyebrow-raising actions, Ms. Cyrus, you wouldn't have some of these problems. (Though let's be real here - who actually cares enough to invade her privacy these days anyway?)

If Stone Age-representative Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) has the sense to create a Twitter account, you should too.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Google primed to take over the world

Well, almost.

Sales coming in from February 2011 show that Google's Android operating system - released in 2008 - has taken the lead in the mobile wars, boasting an impressive 31.2 percent market share. This compares to Research in Motion's Blackberry with 30.4 percent market share, and Apple's surprisingly low 24.7 percent third-place share.

Add this to the list of markets where Google continues to reign supreme. Needless to say, Google still dominates all searches on the internet, taking up 65.4 percent of online inquiries, with Microsoft trailing with a meager (but growing) 13.6 percent claim with its search engine Bing.

Of course, Google has also found success in other online ventures, namely their Gmail messaging systems and - you guessed it - Blogger.

As a result, the company, which has popularized itself to the point of being turned into a verb, sold a whopping $29.3 billion (yes, there's a "b" in the beginning) in ads last year.

Like so many other industries in today's world, it seems cyberland has found itself overtaken by one reigning company, joining the likes of Macy's and Rupert Murdoch (he's not technically a company, but he'd might as well be) as leading conglomerates.

What does it indicate, that the search engine company that once relied on the likes of Microsoft and Apple, has now become each respective companies' greatest competitor? Google is out for blood, and one can only imagine what the company's sales figures and market dominance will look like only a few years from now.

Is it a good thing that Google has become the mainstream, go-to source it is? What does it mean for society - or better yet, the internet? Unfortunately, these are two questions that can't be answered by just "googling it."

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Earthquake devastates island nation

As many of you know, an 8.8 magnitude earthquake tragically struck the nation of Japan on Friday, which was followed by a tsunami that has left an estimated 700 people dead, 600 missing and 1,500 injured. The quake was the largest recorded in Japan's history.

In the time since the initial quake occurred, more than 140 aftershock mini-quakes have been reported, some as powerful as a 6.2-magnitude quake. As a result, an estimated 2.5 million are reported to still be without electricity.

And with late-breaking news coming in that small traces of radiation have leaked into the atmosphere from overheated nuclear reactors (in addition to an explosion Saturday afternoon), it remains uncertain how events will unfold in the coming days.

Politically Pussified would like to encourage all able readers to give back in Japan's time of need. While most readers may be an ocean or more away and cultural opposites in some regards, we all live, breathe, and share this world together.

You are encouraged to donate to The American Red Cross by texting "redcross" to 90999 for a minimum of a $10 donation. All donations are welcomed and highly appreciated.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

... She died of what?

"Buttocks injections gone wrong" is the headline of this tragic story of a British woman who died Tuesday morning after having a makeshift injection procedure in a Philadelphia Hampton Inn. reports that Claudia Adusei, who along with her surviving friend received injections from two unknown (and likely unlicensed) young women, dialed 9-1-1 around 1:30 this morning. Adusei was soon after taken to Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital and pronounced dead. A toxicology report is pending, and investigators are still searching for the two women believed to be responsbile for Adusei's death.

This isn't the first time someone has popped-up in the news for such an outlandish reason (and surely won't be the last time), and more notably, this isn't the only oddball news story to arise from the City of Philadelphia lately.

I love living in the so-called "sixth borough of New York" as much as the next weave-loving, hipster-hugging, cheesesteak-chomping Philadelphian, but this is getting to be a bit much. The heart of the American Revolution is quickly solidifying its status as the capital of the crazies.

At least Vegas is business-savvy enough to cover up its crime and immorality with a catchy slogan. Instead, Philadelphians just get headlines about people dying from ass injections and "Guardian Angels" that think they can fight crime by walking around town wearing a red beret and giving a "thumbs up."

Benjamin Franklin's silicone-less ass cheeks would certainly frown at the sight of today's Filthadelphia.

Sex - the key ingredient to a healthy diet

Toss aside your heart-healthy Cheerios and hormone injections; the real secret to living a longer, healthier life lies not inside a cereal box or doctor's office, but right inside your pants.

Self-proclaimed anti-ageing expert Dr. Eric Braverman claims in his new book "Younger (Sexier) You" that the answer to maintaining a solid immune system and happy heart is staying sexually active - no matter what age you are. This is in addition to building stronger muscles and bones (due to increased levels of vitamin D and "load-bearing," as you biology experts might refer to it) and, of course, keeping that southward second brain content.

Braverman also puts special emphasis in his book on the ability of an active sex life and a coffee-intensive diet to boost hormone levels in both men and women painfully enduring the awkward stages of menopause (yes, men go through menopause too), as well as those just looking to more consistently "get in the mood." Perhaps this could be the answer to President Obama's mid-life crisis prayers?

And for those of you fearful of infections and the common cold during the chilling months of flu season - never fear, Braverman says a simple orgasm can clear away your germaphobic fears and anxieties.

With the most personally political and sex-heavy day of the year just around the corner, you may want to further look into some of these tips on keeping up a healthy libido. And if not, do what three million other Americans and Jake Gyllenhaal would advise: take a Viagra and call it a day.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The 'Wicked Witch of the Wilderness' strikes again

As if taking heat for a crosshairs chart of Democratic challengers wasn't enough, Sarah Palin decided to fan the flames today by calling for "strength and sound mind" in the White House regarding the handling of the Egyptian crisis.

"Who's going to fill the void? (President Hosni) Mubarak, he's gone, one way or the other you know, he is not going to be the leader of Egypt, that that's a given, so now the information needs to be gathered and understood as to who it will be that fills now the void in the government," said Palin in an interview with The Christian Broadcast Network.

Palin continued on to further discuss her "concerns" with the direction of the Egyptian government going forward.

"Is it going to be the Muslim Brotherhood? We should not stand for that, or with that or by that. Any radical Islamists, no that is not who we should be supporting and standing by," Palin said.

My guess is that she's really not aiming for the muslim vote in the upcoming election. Or at least not with her politics.

Palin also saw it fit to comment on the state of today's media, and the direction it should be headed in. You know, because she has a journalism degree that she acquired after attending five different colleges and has virtually no experience in the industry. Girl knows her stuff.

"...much of the mainstream media is already becoming irrelevant," she said, stressing her willingness to "help journalists out."

It's my impression that the "liberal 'gotcha' media" is just becoming too much for the queen of glittering generalities to handle. But she could at least use her journalism expertise to clarify for the CBC that she has in fact never run for President, and therefore cannot run "again," as stated in paragraph five of the network's interview with the politician-turned-celebutante.

Yes, Sarah, contrary to what those adoring fans with the "Sarah!" campaign signs say, you were not the presidential candidate in 2008's election and - God-willing - won't be in 2012 either.